New Year's Resolution
by ImpracticalDemon
Summary: A startling announcement disrupts the Fairy Guild members and especially the lives of Lucy and Gray. When Gray leaves the guild with no fixed date of return, Lucy is left to consider her feelings and decide what she can live with-and what she can't live without. Natsu, Erza and Juvia are very kind, each in their own way. Life is complicated.
1. A Kiss Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

 **This is a special Graylu story for my Secret Graylu Sib, _Clerfait_ , on tumblr.**

I apologize for the delay-and the fact that this story is going to require two chapters because I'm terrible at writing one-shots.

 **I hope that you enjoy this!**

To all my readers: thank you so much for being here. If you have a moment, please post a few words when you're done to let me know what you think!

~Impracticaldemon

 **\\(^u^)/**

* * *

 **New Year's Resolution**

* * *

 _Once upon a time, there had been four of them—Natsu, Erza, Gray and Lucy. And Natsu's Exceed, Happy, who got annoyed at being overlooked. They had all been young, and rather prone to mistakes of different kinds. Even Erza, who always seemed mature, focused and practical, was only a year older than Natsu and Gray, and Lucy now knew that the warrior could be as prone to emotional upheaval as anyone, under the right circumstances._

 _They had all become close friends, with bonds that went beyond what mere words could express. Amazingly, even though Natsu and Gray had sort of grown up together, and Erza had joined the two of them when she was still a child, all three of them had treated Lucy as special. Lucy had been very happy at Fairy Tail, until last Christmas._

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - A Kiss Goodbye**

* * *

Christmas had been a disaster. Well, not a disaster, but not good either. Okay, not exactly _bad_ just… disappointing. Except that for some reason, the disappointment had been crushing.

Last year at around Christmas, Juvia had shocked everyone by getting engaged to Lyon Vastia of Lamia Scale. Lucy had been just as surprised as everyone else. More importantly, she had seen Gray's face when Juvia had made her announcement—he'd looked stunned, as if he'd suddenly realized something very important and it had knocked all the wind out of him. She'd been sitting beside Erza at the time, across from the guys, and her eyes had gone immediately to her dark-haired team-mate. Natsu had summed things up well with his usual combination of genuine kindness tempered by genuine insensitivity:

"That kinda sucks for you, Ice Princess—we all thought that Juvia wanted to marry you! You okay? … Still, I guess she got tired of waiting, huh?"

"Shut up, Natsu. You are the _last_ person in the world to comment about keeping a girl waiting."

Ignoring the stares of his three friends, and the covert and not-so-covert interest of half the guild, Gray had gotten up and walked out. The funny thing was that he hadn't looked angry, or jealous, or even upset, precisely. Lucy remembered thinking that he looked almost frightened, as if he had suddenly become aware of some terrible danger.

After the doors had closed behind Gray, Natsu had turned to Lucy and Erza.

"I guess he really is upset, huh?"

Erza had nodded slowly. Then she had smiled at Lucy:

"We should go congratulate Juvia; she needs to know that we're her friends no matter what, right?"

"Right!" Lucy had dragged her eyes off the door and hopped up, trying to seem more like herself.

"Right!" Natsu had given both women his brilliant, unmatchable grin. "She's been an important member of our team and Fairy Tail, so yeah—of course!"

The three of them had clustered around Juvia, who had brightened up at their approach. Mirajane had been admiring the glittering, new bracelet on Juvia's left wrist, trying to make up for the way that everyone else had been staring, but obviously the water elementalist was most worried about those who were closest to her—and closest to Gray. Fortunately, Natsu could always be counted on for enthusiasm, Erza was far kinder-hearted than she appeared, and Lucy… Lucy had been genuinely happy. For some reason, she had felt as though a shadow had lifted from her own heart. It had been troubling.

Of course there had been an impromptu party, and of course Natsu had complained about Gray not being there to brawl with (not that he had put it that way), and of course Erza had dragged Natsu off by the ear to "remind" him that it wasn't very nice to mention the man who had been Juvia's violent crush for the past two years. Lucy had found herself drifting from person to person, drinking some kind of blue-coloured drink and smiling.

After an hour—because she had made herself wait that long—she had told Erza that she was going to check on Gray. Erza had given her a very level look and insisted on walking her to the door.

"You just want to make sure he's okay?"

"Well… yeah, of course." It had been a lie. She just hadn't quite realized it.

"Give him my regards," Erza had said, watching Lucy shrug into her jacket and pull on bright blue gloves.

"Um, sure."

"Be patient."

Erza's eyes had seemed to be searching hers, and Lucy had made a show of adjusting her scarf in order to look away.

"… Patient?"

"Good night, Lucy. See you tomorrow."

For some reason, Erza had given Lucy a quick hug goodnight before turning in a swirl of bright red hair and going back inside. Puzzled, Lucy had blinked at the door for a moment, before shaking her head and walking off. In retrospect, Erza had understood things better than she had.

* * *

Gray wasn't at home and he wasn't out drinking at any of the nearby bars. Despite growing anxiety, Lucy had reluctantly given up and walked home, shivering with cold and unsettled about her strange reaction to Juvia's announcement. After an hour walking around in the cold and dark, she had finally identified her main feelings as relief and happiness. The problem was that it hadn't been happiness for Juvia and Lyon. It had just been… happiness. That had made no sense, at the time. Although she'd never been sure exactly how Gray felt about Juvia, he had finally seemed to be returning the water mage's very persistent, but genuine interest. Moreover, he had always looked out for Juvia in his own way, maybe because he had been the reason that she'd overcome enough of her unhappy past to be able to make the decision to join Fairy Tail. Juvia truly loved having friends.

"Mind if I come in?"

Gray had stepped out of the shadows as she had reached her own doorstep, and she had been so immersed in thought that she had gasped and jumped at the polite question. Embarrassed, she had snapped out the first thing that had come to mind:

"Where the heck were you anyway? Everyone was worried about you!"

"I was waiting for you. I figured you'd be a while so I a walked around a bit first. Then I came here."

His voice had been strangely disinterested, as if he were just going through the motions by answering her question. That oddness had made Lucy quickly turn the key so that they could both go in. Once in her apartment, she'd pointed him at a place to sit at the table and made hot cocoa. She remembered having wondered whether Gray even drank the stuff, but it had seemed like the right thing to do. He'd said nothing at all until she'd put a mug in front of him and sat down with her own.

"So, um, are you doing okay? I mean, not that you have to talk about it or anything… but if you need a friend to talk to then I'm here."

Lucy had tried to sound casual, even though her mouth had been dry and her fingers had been a little unsteady as she'd sipped at her cocoa. Even then, she hadn't quite figured out what was going on.

"Yeah, thanks," Gray had answered, in the same slightly mechanical tones. "Good cocoa—I haven't had any in ages." He'd given her a rather awful smile.

"Oh, good… I mean that it's good—the cocoa, I mean…"

Lucy remembered that part perfectly; she'd babbled like an idiot. She'd caught herself staring at the Fairy Tail mark on Gray's upper right chest, and she was pretty sure that she had blushed like an idiot, too. He had been wearing a slightly dressy, navy blue collared shirt, but it had been hanging open over his favourite dark jeans so that most of his lean, muscled torso and well-defined abdomen had been on display. Nothing new, right? Nothing different to account for the weird tightness in Lucy's chest.

"Anyway, I wanted you to know: I'm going away for a while. I figured you could tell the others."

"Oh sure," Lucy had murmured automatically in response, before his words had impinged.

She didn't think she'd imagined the dark shadow that had seemed to cross his face at her casual answer, but whatever he'd said next had been lost as she'd all but dropped her mug onto the table as his words had sunk in:

"Wait—what?!" She'd reached out halfway across the table to him with one hand, while waving the other one in a rather wild gesture of denial. "You can't go! I mean… why would you go? Juvia probably won't even be around much, and we can, you know, go out on missions, right? I mean, with Natsu and Erza, of course."

Gray had sat perfectly still, his thin, dark brows drawn down into a slight vee, as though there was something he didn't quite understand or didn't know how to explain. Heedless, Lucy had rushed on:

"Or, if you feel like you need to get out of town for a bit, that's fine too, but you don't need to say it like it's going to be months and months or something, you know?"

"I think Juvia needs a chance to be happy. And… even Lyon I guess, though he acts like he's got an icicle stuck up his butt most of the time. Plus…" Gray had paused and swallowed before going on. "Plus, the pink-haired dork'll look after you, right?"

"Right, sure, no problem," Lucy had said quickly, trying to deal with the prickling cold that seemed to be closing around her heart. "So, I'll tell the others. When will you be back? Because, um, they'll want to know."

She'd tried to look perky, and not as though the answer to that question had suddenly meant far too much to her. She'd found out later that her acting job had been too successful. Gray had eyed her for a long, thoughtful moment, and then he'd set down his mug. He'd finished all the cocoa—funny the details she remembered. Or maybe not. She could picture pretty much everything about that night.

"Oh, I'm really not sure when I'll be back," Gray had told her, rising to his feet. "Could be a few months, maybe longer, hard to say. Besides, you get along great with Juvia, right? I'm sure she can, you know, persuade Lyon to join you on missions from time to time—he'll make sure that Flame Head's ego doesn't get too big for his puny mind to handle. "

It was as if all sensation had left her. Detached, moving numbly, she'd walked him to the apartment door, which was weird in itself when she'd considered it later—after all, the guys always behaved like her place was their own, so she'd given up treating them like guests ages before. She'd smiled and nodded and… _sparkled_ … covering shock with forced cheerfulness.

They'd stood awkwardly for a few minutes—it was the one part of the whole episode that Lucy couldn't clearly recall—and then Gray had suddenly caught her face in his cool, slightly rough hands and bent down, whispering so softly that she'd barely made out what he'd said:

"I'm sorry, Luce, I'm so sorry… I tried…"

She'd felt warm breath on her cheek the moment before he'd kissed her, hard, on the lips, one hand sliding behind her head to tangle briefly in her hair. Caught wholly off guard, she'd frozen as though he'd summoned ice magic. Before her brain had sorted out her reaction and told her that she _really, really didn't mind and why hadn't she realized sooner_ , Gray had released her face, closed his dark eyes for a just a second, and then run off down the stairs. The outside door had banged open, there had been a gust of cold air, and… then he'd been gone.

* * *

Lucy had gone through the first two months of Gray's absence with a strange kind of half-alive feeling. It hadn't made any sense. They'd been good friends, good partners, but that was all. She'd relied on him, felt safe with him, had known that he'd always do whatever he could for her. Just like with Natsu and Erza—and those two had been far more demonstrative than Gray.

Despite his constant fights with Natsu, Gray had always been the more serious of the two. He'd accepted Lucy from the start, but without Natsu's unabashed enthusiasm or Erza's vibrant warmth. Rather, it had been a steady kind of acceptance, the kind that never made Lucy feel like an idiot, even when her magical skills had proven to be far below those of her companions.

When the guild had fought Phantom Lord, and Gray had battled and—in some way—saved Juvia, Lucy had been as taken aback as anyone when the beautiful and powerful blue-haired woman had fallen head over heels in love with the ice mage. Not that Gray didn't attract women—he did—but with his friends and partners he wasn't _romantic_ in any way, so Lucy had never seen Gray in the same way as those other women, or Juvia. Juvia herself was tremendously romantic, of course. Once they'd become friends, Lucy had heard of her tragic childhood and the unhappy path she had followed until meeting Fairy Tail—meaning Gray—in battle.

Despite their friendship, the water elementalist had always maintained that Lucy was a "love rival" for Gray's affections. Lucy had always scoffed at this, but it had never made a difference to Juvia. As February's dreary skies lightened into March's promise of spring, Juvia had taken the unusual step of coming to Lucy's apartment one afternoon to ask after Gray. She had been as perfectly turned out as always, but it was such an everyday thing with Juvia that Lucy had stopped feeling self-conscious around her a long time ago. Mostly.

"Have you heard from Gray-sama, Lucy-san?"

Lucy had shaken her head, and then asked the obvious question:

"And you, Juvia—do you have any news?"

"Juvia does not have any news. But Gray-sama did write to Juvia after he lieft, to congratulate Juvia because he had not done so at Christmas. That was all."

"Oh."

"You will have to be patient, Lucy-san." The blue-haired woman had stared at her quite intently. "To be honest… Juvia came here to ask how Lucy-san was doing. Because Lucy-san is Juvia's friend and she is sad."

"Oh, I'm fine," Lucy had said. The words had sounded unconvincing, even to her. "I mean, sure, I'm sorry that Gray took off like that, but Natsu and Erza and I can take jobs and pay the bills—well, not that they aren't awfully destructive though…"

Juvia had waved an elegant, perfectly tapered hand dismissively.

"No. You are not fine."

Both women had looked at each other for a moment, caught by surprise by Juvia's use of a pronoun, rather than a proper name. Juvia had blushed. Lucy, in an effort to change the subject, had asked about wedding plans. She was going to be a bridesmaid, and was already in love with her dress, even though it wasn't actually finished yet.

Juvia had answered Lucy's questions on the wedding, but had returned to her original point before leaving, much to Lucy's discomfort.

"Lucy-san, are you sad because Gray-sama isn't here?"

"Yes." Lucy had blurted out the answer, and it had hung there in the air between them.

"Then will you let Juvia tell you about Gray-sama, just a little? Because, Lucy-san is Juvia's friend?"

"Okay."

Lucy had felt her chest and stomach tighten, wondering what Gray's most ardent- _previously most ardent_ —fan had to say about him.

"Gray-sama loves his friends. That is the most important thing in Fairy Tail, is that not true? To love one's friends? To be like a family?"

Juvia's tone had almost been pleading. Hesitantly, Lucy had nodded. It had been a fair description of the foundation on which Fairy Tail's true strength had been built.

"Then, you see, Lucy-san, that Gray does not want to hurt his friends. He does not want to hurt Natsu-san, who is his best friend. But Natsu-san brought Lucy-san to the guild and Gray-sama sees that the two of them are very close. Also, Lucy-san seems to like Natsu-san a lot, and she keeps insisting that Juvia is not a love rival."

"But I wasn't _in love_ with _anyone_!" Lucy had protested, hands clenched tightly on top of her legs to prevent her from jumping up and pacing, or maybe kicking something. "Everthing was fine the way it was!"

Juvia smiled a little sadly at Lucy. "But it was not fine for everyone, Juvia thinks. So Gray-sama tries to be kind to Juvia, and he tries to be _just friends_ with Lucy-san, because he doesn't want Natsu-san _or_ Lucy-san to be upset. Juvia has spent a long time watching Gray-sama. Juvia thinks that Juvia was not wrong: Gray –sama was in love with Lucy-san."

As Lucy buried her face behind her teacup, Juvia fell silent. Neither of the women had said much during the rest of Juvia's short visit. Lucy had wanted to deny Juvia's words, but how could she? Eventually, Lucy had found herself escorting another friend to the door. At the last minute, she had detained Juvia with a touch.

"Why didn't he tell me before he left?" Lucy hated to be so vulnerable, but she didn't understand what had happened and it seemed like Juvia did. "I mean, I would have understood if he'd been disappointed about you and Lyon…"

Once again, Juvia had looked sad, and then she had touched her bracelet from Lyon and smiled gently.

"Juvia thinks that Gray-sama had finally decided to love Juvia, because Lucy-san was not for him and everyone wanted him to love Juvia." The gentle smile had brightened into something charming and a little wicked. Having somebody to love her back had given Juvia a little more self-confidence lately, which was a good thing. "And then, just as Gray decided that he would make Juvia happy, Juvia says that she will marry Lyon-sama, and Gray-sama knows that he should be sad and angry, but he isn't. He realizes that he is still in love with Lucy-san, and she still has no idea, and Gray-sama is not as brave as Juvia."

"Not as… brave?"

Juvia had shaken her head briskly.

"No. Because if Gray-sama had not been too afraid of losing his friendships and being a fool—and he hates to be a fool—then Gray-sama would have told Lucy-san the truth a long time ago." Juvia had paused, and then added smugly: "I did not mind being a fool, and even though Lucy-san's friendship means a lot to me, and the friendships of everyone at Fairy Tail, of course, I would always be honest with the person I love."

"And are you sure you love Lyon?" Lucy had asked, feeling unaccountably defensive.

"Yes! Juvia does love Lyon-sama." Juvia had given Lucy a roguish look, although it had been shy at the same time. "Lyon-sama has a lot in common with Juvia. Juvia enjoys looking nice for Lyon-sama. Lyon-sama makes Juvia feel loved. He even kissed Juvia!"

Lucy saw her friend's blush and laughed. "I hope he has if he's going to marry you! You deserve to be happy, Juvia."

"Thank you," replied Juvia, with a dainty curtsy. "I hope you get a chance to be kissed soon too, Lucy-san."

* * *

In April there had been cherry blossoms on the trees, and the magical rainbow tree had looked particularly beautiful. Lucy had gone with Natsu to the town festival, remembering when Natsu had brought the rainbow tree to her because she'd been too sick to go to the tree. She truly loved her excitable, impetuous partner—and she thought that he loved her—but she wasn't _in love_ with him, and he didn't seem to demand that sort of affection. Not that she had been very perceptive about such things with Gray or anyone else, apparently.

She had watched the sparkling, brilliantly-coloured tree with Natsu and Erza, but when she'd looked at her friends it had occurred to her that of the four of them, only Natsu's happiness seemed entirely clear and untainted. Gray was gone—supposedly due to blighted love, but love of who?—and Erza had been very quiet. Lucy had thought she was missing Jellal, the strange, blue-haired man who had done terrible things, but couldn't remember most of them.

Lucy herself had been remembering a short, passionate, unhappy kiss. Looking around at the lovers in the crowd—and there had been a few from the guild, such as hulking Gajeel and petite Levy, fingers laced tightly together—Lucy had finally, fully admitted that she wanted to be kissed again. When would Gray come back? What would she do when he did?

On the way home, with Erza striding ahead and Happy flitting high above, Natsu had surprised her by giving her a quick one-armed hug around the shoulders. His pink hair had looked like cotton candy in the gentle spring moonlight.

"Aw, I miss Gray too, Lucy. Try not to worry: he'll be back. He's probably just practicing 'cause he doesn't want to get pounded the next time he takes me on. You know he won't be able to stay away from Fairy Tail forever."

Lucy had hugged him back, a little cheered, as well as reminded that Natsu noticed quite a lot when he wasn't caught up in fighting somebody or something. He was a good man.

That night she had dreamed of snow and hot chocolate and sadness. When she had finally gotten up and made herself tea, in defiance of the dream, she had thought of Erza's counsel, echoed by Juvia: be patient.

* * *

END

* * *

 **A/Note: See you next Chapter!** Thank you for reading. :)


	2. A Long Wait for Winter

**Author's Note:**

 **Chapter 2 of my story for _Clerfait_ of _tumblr_ for the Graylu Sibling Gift Exchange.**

 **Also under the heading of** "another one that got out of hand".

I hope that you enjoy the second installment, in which Lucy gets yet more unlooked for (and possibly unwanted) advice on romance and the missing ice mage. I think the discussion with [mmmph!] ... sorry, spoilers!

If you enjoy the story and have a moment, please don't hesitate to add a quick review at the bottom-they can be anonymous and are very much appreciated.

~Impracticaldemon (same username on tumblr)

* * *

 **Chapter 2—A Long Wait Until Winter**

* * *

[I]

* * *

Summer had arrived in a blaze of scorching sun that year. Magnolia and its citizens had baked under the blazing light, the streets shimmering with reflected heat. To Natsu's disappointment, both Lucy and Erza had declared that it was time for a vacation. Undaunted by their lack of enthusiasm, Natsu had thrown himself into a series of smaller jobs, heading out of town for one and two day trips with Happy on a regular basis. Not surprisingly, the heat hadn't bothered Natsu in the slightest.

Lucy had decided that she would make a real effort to work on her writing during her break from taking on missions, and Erza had been encouraging—as long as Lucy was also willing to spend a couple of weeks down at the seaside with her.

"You can write just as well at the beach as here," Erza had told Lucy firmly. Not that Erza often spoke any other way. "And you might as well get out of Magnolia for a while. July is supposed to be especially bad this year."

There had been an unacknowledged battle of wills over the beach trip. Lucy couldn't deny that she wanted to get out of her rather stuffy apartment during the worst of the heat, but… Erza hadn't raised the real reason Lucy didn't want to go out of town for any length of time; Juvia and Natsu had not been so reticent.

Juvia had been the first. She had arrived at Lucy's apartment in the relative cool of the late evening part-way through June. With the sun down, and all the windows open, Lucy's home hadn't been too bad. Lucy had just sat down to try writing again—the day hadn't gone well—and she was frustrated when she heard the knock on her door. On the other hand, she hadn't been entirely sorry to put off her non-productive task for a while longer—at least, not until Juvia had explained the reason for her visit.

"Erza-san told Juvia that Lucy-san won't go to the beach this year. Juvia thinks that Lucy-san is afraid to leave the city in case Gray-sama returns."

Juvia had looked inquiringly at her blond friend, and Lucy had felt a blush rise to her cheeks. It had seemed like such a strange role reversal, with Juvia being calm and slightly knowing, and Lucy feeling unsettled about Gray's continued absence. There had been an important difference, however: Lucy still didn't know exactly how she felt about Gray; in fact, as the days had continued to pass she had begun to wonder if she had dreamed that parting kiss.

"It's not quite the way you make it sound," Lucy had finally responded. "It's not like I even know where we—where Gray and I—stand at this point."

"Does Lucy-san like Gray-sama?"

"Well of course—" Lucy had begun to answer, once again on the defensive.

"As something more than friends? No, wait, Juvia will change the question: does Lucy like Gray-sama as something _different_ than friends?"

"I still like Gray as a friend!"

"And something else?"

" _I don't know!_ " Lucy's voice had risen, and Juvia's smug look had made her want to kick something. Again.

Hadn't she felt the same way last time? Juvia could really manage to keep the pressure on while doing no more than sitting and sipping her drink. She had been looking extremely pretty that day, although unusually casually dressed. For Juvia, that had meant perfectly tailored navy blue shorts and a crisp, white, sailor-style blouse. Since it was Juvia, a matching white and blue sailor's cap had been perched at a jaunty angle on top of her vivid blue hair.

"Lucy-san is not paying attention!" Juvia had said at that point, with understandable (if unusual) irritation.

"Well, well, um, your outfit is very unusual and it looks so nice—I was wondering if you were going somewhere special today." Lucy had felt her blush deepen. It had been perfectly obvious to both of them that Lucy was avoiding the subject.

"Lyon-sama and Juvia are going on a cruise," Juvia had confided, blue eyes sparkling.

"Today?" It was nine o'clock in the evening.

"Oh no! After the wedding, of course."

Lucy had blinked at her friend. "And the sailor suit?"

Juvia leaned forward, her usually pale cheeks more than a little pink.

"Lyon-sama saw some of the clothes that Juvia had bought for the cruise and wanted her to show him how they looked. Lyon-sama liked this outfit very much, and said that Juvia should start wearing it right away, so that he would not have to wait until the fall to see it again."

Juvia's happiness had been palpable, and suddenly Lucy had felt sad. Somehow, it wasn't quite the same showing her clothes to Plue and Erza, and Natsu rarely noticed what she wore.

"That sounds very nice," Lucy had replied, sighing. "I mean… it really does sound as though you and Lyon are a good fit."

"Oh yes. But Juvia does not forget that she spent a long time wanting Gray-sama to fall in love with her instead. Juvia tries to remind Lyon-sama often that she is happy with the choice she made."

Lucy had shifted uncomfortably. She had found more and more that remembering Juvia's strong devotion to Gray, and the way that Gray had seemed to be falling for Juvia, made her… jealous? It had been absurd, because it wasn't as if she had clear feelings about Gray to be jealous _about_.

She had walked with Juvia out of the building and into the clear, warm, moonlit night. As a light breeze had danced across her bare arms, she had felt a sudden need to head for more open spaces where she could look up at the stars. Juvia had told her to be careful, but hadn't said anything more about Gray or Erza's proposed trip to the beach.

It had taken some time to get to her favourite place to stargaze, since she had to be far enough away from the town for the light pollution to be significantly reduced. As she had approached "her" spot, she'd sensed that she wasn't alone, and pulled a key from the pouch on her belt. A moment later, she'd recognized Natsu, and the slight adrenaline rush of wariness (and totally unacknowledged hope) had drained away.

"Natsu! Why didn't you tell me you were there?!" She'd been a little annoyed, because Natsu would have smelled her long before she'd seen his shape and finally realized who it was.

"Huh?" Natsu had seemed genuinely taken aback. "But you must have known it was me, Luce, right?"

"How?" Lucy demanded, sitting down beside him and giving him a light shove on the shoulder.

Natsu had thought about it for a moment and then dismissed the entire point.

"So how's it going Lucy? You've been kinda down. Maybe you should come out on a coupl' of jobs with me and Happy after all."

Lucy had given him a jaded look.

"Are you asking how I'm doing or trying to talk me into taking on a mission?"

"What?! No! I'm just worried about you is all? Geez you're suspicious!"

He'd pouted, but not for very long. Looking around, Lucy was surprised not to see Happy. Natsu must have read her gestures and expression—he was good at that.

"Happy's… well, I guess he's on a date?"

"With Charla? You're kidding!"

"Nope. I guess persistence does pay off, huh?"

"Yeah."

They'd sat in silence for a while, gazing up at the stars. Natsu could now identify quite a few of the constellations, but for the most part, when they'd done this in the past, he'd been quite content to stare upwards without chatting. It had suddenly dawned on Lucy that Gray had stopped coming on these impromptu stargazing trips a long time ago. She'd been disappointed but had never wanted to insist. Looking back, she'd wondered if maybe he had thought there was something between her and Natsu. Or maybe… maybe he'd mostly known that there wasn't, but hadn't wanted to intrude just in case? That had still seemed off, so Lucy had given up trying to understand.

Later that same night, lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, another possibility had dawned on Lucy. What if Gray hadn't wanted to go star-gazing because, as Juvia had said, he wasn't brave enough? It was a romantic enough setting; maybe he'd worried that he'd give himself away or even—could it be?—found it too difficult not to get jealous of Natsu. Natsu tended to be a physical guy with his close friends. With Gray it had always come out in fights, fist bumps, and the occasional arm around the shoulder. Lucy tended to complain about Natsu's more violent greetings, and for the most part he limited himself to holding her hand (often while trying to get her to run faster), and quick hugs.

She had fallen asleep with difficulty that night, wondering where Gray was and what he was doing. They had fought together and almost died together so many times. Gray had even developed some kind of friendship with the chief of her celestial spirits, Loke. Somewhere in there, according to Juvia, Gray had started to care about her as something other than "just" a friend. Why hadn't Lucy noticed?

* * *

 **[II]**

* * *

Mid-summer had been as hot as predicted. Lucy had finally given in to Erza's desire to go to the seaside. It had been a good idea, as the days were considerably more bearable and it was far easier to sleep at night.

Even more men than usual had tried to hit on Lucy that summer, for some reason. There had been a few women, too, but they had been far more subtle, whether because they had sensed Lucy's mood better, or because Erza was a greater deterrent to them.

"Do I have some giant sign over my head that says 'single and looking for love'?" Lucy had demanded at one point, after a particularly annoying encounter.

Her scarlet-haired companion had shifted slightly on her lounge chair and sipped at her drink. Being Erza, she had taken Lucy's question seriously.

"No. But you look unhappy. Many men assume that a beautiful woman who is not obviously with a male partner must be unhappy over a man. Therefore, it is a good time to make advances. The better men do so with caution, not wanting to make things worse; the worst men do it because they sense vulnerability and seek to exploit it."

"You've been reading relationship books again, haven't you?"

"… Well, why not?" Erza had been just a little defensive. "Have you ever been in love, Lucy?"

Lucy had tried to roll her eyes and make light of it, but with Erza staring at her from just two feet away, she'd failed miserably and given in to her fate.

"I don't know. I suppose that means I haven't."

"Not necessarily. People are driven in different ways, after all. Somebody who is passionate about one aspect of their life may not be as keenly aware of a different kind of passion if it develops slowly. And our own minds play games with us, trying to protect us from caring too much if we've been hurt before."

Lucy had thought about this for a few minutes. Then she had stood up and grinned down at Erza.

"Well I still think you sound like a book on ' _how to live and love better_ '. I'm going to get my writing things. After all, you talked me into coming here so that I could write."

Erza had waved an unusually lazy hand at her from her prone position.

"Good luck. Personally, I think it's too hot for serious endeavour."

As Lucy had walked away, still thinking about Erza's words despite herself, she'd heard her friend mutter: "And it was a good book."

Lucy had taken her notebook and pens to a secluded, shady spot away from the beach crowds. She'd started by writing short sketches about the people she'd observed over the past few days: the harassed but loving mother; the sick but kindly older gentleman; the man selling ice cream who had looked a little like Gray. She had dutifully included the last one so that Juvia—the mental Juvia in her head—couldn't accuse her of lacking courage. Maybe she did need to stop avoiding the issue.

A large drop of sweat had rolled down her face and threatened to blot her page. It really _was_ too hot to write, Lucy had thought, pushing the back of one wrist across her forehead. Too hot, too airless, too bright, even in the shade. She wanted cool, crisp air and the hint of frost. _Since when?_ mental Juvia had asked, with a smirk that Lucy was pretty sure that the real Juvia would never use.

"Since it got so horribly hot! Leave me alone! Go hang out with mental Lyon!" Then Lucy had laughed aloud. "Gray would say that Lyon's pretty much mental all the time…"

 _I really do miss him. As a friend or as something different, I don't know, but I miss him._

"But only because he made ice cubes for our drinks in the summer," she had said, still aloud, laughing at her own belligerence.

"You know, talking to yourself like this is _not_ a good sign," a pleasant baritone had said from just a few feet away.

Lucy had jumped, even though she had identified the speaker almost immediately.

"Loke! What on earth are you doing here?"

The celestial spirit _could_ come and go more or less at will, but he usually didn't.

"I couldn't take your pining over Gray any longer. You obviously need advice from somebody who knows what they're talking about."

Loke blinked in the strong sun—he had appeared a little ways from the rock overhang that was providing Lucy's shade. An instant later, he was wearing sunglasses. Of course. Lucy rolled her eyes.

"I do NOT need advice. I've already been given lots of advice. I'm swimming in advice. Now if you could conjure up a really cold drink and maybe a fan, that would help."

"Is it punishment time, Mistress?" It had been Lucy's celestial maid-servant, the lovely and rather masochistic Virgo, popping into being beside Loke. Virgo had clasped her manacled wrists together and bowed deeply.

"What? No! What is this, anyway?"

"We merely want to help you," Loke had murmured, at his most charming. "Milady would like a cold drink and a fan, Virgo."

Helpless, and torn between slight annoyance and greater amusement, Lucy had allowed Loke to fuss over her. To a point.

"I think you should give Gray a chance," he'd said, once Lucy was sitting on a soft cotton blanket with a cold drink in her hand and a bowl of cool, green grapes beside her to snack on. He was fanning her in a leisurely fashion with a large paper fan painted with—

"You painted Gray's face ON THE FAN?!"

"What, me? Not at all."

"But—"

"I didn't paint it; that was Aries. She quite likes Gray, you know. So do I, which would be convenient, since otherwise I might be tempted to interfere at inopportune moments." Loke had given her a slightly too-toothy smile and for a moment the sunlight had reflected strangely off his opaque lenses.

"Gah! Stop being so pushy! Besides…" Lucy had leaned forward, eager to make this one point very clearly. "You may not have noticed, but _Gray isn't here_. He left Magnolia seven months ago. I don't know why everyone thinks this has anything to do with _me_. GRAY ISN'T HERE!"

She'd stopped as soon as she'd realized that she was shouting. Then she'd blinked away sudden tears.

"Gray isn't here," she'd whispered. "And I feel like a part of my life is on hold."

Abruptly serious, Loke had leaned forward, keeping his actions slow and non-threatening. He'd lifted a hand and wiped away a tear that had escaped despite Lucy's best efforts. Then he'd kissed her gently on the forehead. Somehow, the sunglasses had vanished.

"That's exactly it, dear Lucy. And it's a very hard place to be, not knowing how somebody else feels, and being unable to ask. A person can talk themselves into many things and then discover at the last moment—if not too late—that they were just very good at self-delusion all along."

Lucy scowled at Loke, but without any real anger.

"I told you: I'm swimming in advice. I'm not an idiot—" she had swatted at Loke when he had pretended to look surprised— "and I think I know what you're saying. You're saying that Gray's been kind of confused about all this himself for a while, and it's no fun to feel this way, so don't go too hard on him when—if!—he comes back."

Loke had risen gracefully and bowed slightly. The tinted glasses were back.

"On the bright side, Lucy, if he _does_ come back and if he _does_ hurt you somehow, there will be quite a line-up of people out for his blood. I will have the advantage of being able to spy on you the most easily, of course, so I would get there first, but the Fire Eater and Titania wouldn't be far behind. You have a gift for making friends, and we want the best for you. We _might_ be willing to settle for Gray."

Lucy had been torn between laughter, irritation, and tears.

"And I thought my _dad_ was bad about trying to set me up with the right guy…" she'd said.

Loke had frowned at her.

"Fortunately, _we_ actually care about what _you_ want," he'd told her, in tone laced with anger. He wasn't Lucy's father's biggest fan. A moment later, he'd reverted to himself. "Well, that's that, then. Stop being so mopey, get on with your writing, and when Gray comes back—which he will, Flame-brain's right—then either he'll do the right thing and talk to you about how he feels, or we'll pound him. Good?"

"No!' But Lucy had been laughing, and that had felt good.

* * *

 **[III]**

* * *

Lucy had managed to keep her emotions on a more even keel throughout the rest of the summer, and although she had dreamed rather often of winter and the scent of frost, she had tried to put it down to the awful heat—who wouldn't long for cooler temperatures? There were two or three dreams that had been more difficult to set aside, and those had forced her to recognize that Gray's kiss—her first—had made her personally aware of a form of intimacy that she had only read about in the romance novels that she, Levy, Juvia and Erza all shared and had solemnly sworn never to show another soul. Of course, Mirajane knew because she supplied them, but that was different.

The first two months of autumn had passed very quickly, thanks to Juvia and Lyon's wedding being set for November first. The cooling air also meant that it had been time to get out on more missions again with Natsu and Erza. Wendy had come with them from time to time, and on one notable occasion Juvia and Lyon had both joined them, even though it was rare for members of other guilds to be involved in guild jobs. Lucy had rapidly decided that the extra firepower hadn't really been worth it, because Gray and Natsu were a team despite their frequent brangling, while Lyon and Natsu were a continuous dominance match without the deep, longstanding friendship to take the edge off. Even Erza had contributed to the feeling of "too many leaders", because while Natsu and Gray generally deferred to her in tactical situations, Lyon didn't and Erza had tried to be polite because she hadn't wanted to offend Juvia. By the end of the job, Lucy's mantra had been _never again._

Juvia had justified Lucy's faith in her by remaining constant in her affection for her Fairy Tail friends, although naturally she was around a lot less often. Lucy had also been more favourably impressed with Lyon than she had expected (the disastrous mission notwithstanding). There was no denying that he was completely devoted to Juvia, although he could still be rather harsh and emotionally distant with others. It was evident that he was making an effort to do better, however, at least with those that Juvia cared about.

As November approached, Lucy had begun to feel more and more anxious, and it hadn't helped that everyone close to her (including her celestial spirits) had made it clear that they were keenly interested as well. The question on Lucy's mind, of course, was simple: would Gray show up for the wedding? By any standard of friendship, guild loyalty and even a sort of kinship (in Lyon's case), he should be there. Only his absence had kept him from being in the wedding party, and Lucy had heard from somebody—though not directly—that Lyon was upset that Gray had not been in touch with him. Although the two of them had been rivals in so many ways, they were also foster brothers of a sort, and had a shared history and background in magic that was unique to the two of them.

Eventually, Lucy had gone to Juvia in desperation, and asked if she or Lyon had heard anything from Gray. Juvia had looked a little distressed, but eventually she had made up her mind and told Lucy that Lyon had received a note just the day before—within a week of the wedding itself—saying that Gray would be there, although he didn't want anybody else to know.

"I need to see him," Lucy had told Juvia bluntly.

Juvia had frowned. "If Lucy-san looks for Gray-sama and speaks to him then he will know that Lyon-sama or Juvia did not keep his secret."

Lucy had looked straight into Juvia's large blue eyes and told her:

"I don't care if I make a fool of myself or upset my friends… I need to talk to Gray."

Juvia closed her eyes, but then nodded firmly and opened them again.

"Juvia will help Lucy-san. Juvia thinks that Gray-sama will only be there for the wedding ceremony, not for the dancing afterward. Juvia will make sure that Lucy-san gets to see Gray-sama, in private, before he can leave."

Lucy had exhaled in relief. Then she'd hugged the other woman, a little overwhelmed by the kindness that she was being shown. It was Juvia's big day, and Juvia was going to devote some part of her attention to helping Lucy speak to Juvia's former crush. What friend could ask for more?

"Thank you, Juvia. Thank you."

Juvia had been pink and flustered but obviously pleased.

"Juvia hopes that in the end, all of Juvia's friends will be happy and even Juvia."

The way she had expressed herself had made tender-hearted Lucy give her another quick hug. Then she turned to business, and the rest of the visit had been spent making plans.

* * *

 **[END]**

* * *

 **A/Note:** I hope you enjoyed chapter 2! The third-and FINAL, I promise!-chapter will be up by tomorrow sometime. :)


	3. Resolution

**Author's Note:**

 **With best wishes to my Graylu sibling _Clerfait_ on tumblr - I hope that you enjoy the conclusion as much as you have the rest.**

I would also like to send special thanks to **DancesWithSeatBelts ( _Nalufever_ ), Zeiyuu ( _Miss-Zei_ ), Sanguine-Fairy (same on tumblr)** and **mrsallsunday**

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by to read this story! All favourites, follows and reviews are very much appreciated!

This story was intended to be about 2500 words and has ended up at 13,500 words. I blame the characters for being so complicated and for wanting everything _explained_.

~ Impracticaldemon

P.S. Thank you to DWSB/Nalufever* for the title to part I of chapter 3: it really helped me to focus on what I wanted to write about!

* * *

 **Chapter 3 – Resolution**

* * *

 **[I] - The Shouting***

* * *

Lucy had made a point of not looking for Gray during the wedding. Juvia had done a lot for her, and Lucy wasn't going to mess with Juvia's special ceremony, especially when she was there specifically to support her friend as a bridesmaid.

It was an outdoor ceremony, despite being the first of November, but everything had been designed with the comfort of the guests in mind. Naturally, there were glorious ice sculptures, but those were at some distance from the seating area, in an effort to make people feel less cold. Lucy hadn't been convinced that people _could_ feel warm enough, sitting outdoors surrounded by ice sculptures with grey skies overhead, but in any event the ceremony part of the day was really quite short, so it didn't matter too much.

Despite her best intentions, Lucy hadn't been able to prevent a ball of nervous tension from forming in her stomach as the ceremony had concluded and people had started filing into carriages or walking down the road to get to the big reception being hosted at the Fairy Tail guildhall. Juvia had told her not to panic if there was a slight delay, and she had tried her best.

It had been Lyon, rather than Juvia, who had told Lucy where Gray was waiting. He had just handed his new bride into a carriage glittering with delicate ice carvings, and his smile had been unusually genuine and unshadowed:

"He thinks he's waiting for me, of course. We'd have told you sooner, but Juvia didn't want there to be any chance that you'd behave differently than expected, since Gray's suspicious enough to have watched everyone leaving just now. Anyway, good luck, Lucy! He's a stubborn… guy… but he's okay, I guess. Mostly."

To Lucy's surprise, he had patted her kindly on the shoulder, making up for the jab at his foster-brother and frequent rival. Then he had jumped gracefully into the carriage, white coat flaring briefly around his legs. A moment later, Juvia had leaned out and blown a kiss to Lucy, who had waved madly back. The moment the carriage had pulled away, however, Lucy had hurried into the stand of trees behind the open area where the ceremony had taken place. There was a small wooden shelter there designed as a meeting place or a shelter for those hiking the pleasant trails within this part of the forest. Supposedly, Gray Fullbuster, missing Ice Mage extraordinaire, was inside or lurking nearby.

Knowing that Gray was quick, suspicious-minded, and had very good ears, Lucy had rushed straight into the shelter without pausing for breath. She had been gratified to see him look up—it was him!—start forward in evident surprise, and then catch himself and freeze (ha!) into immobility.

Quite a few frustrated, angry, anxious words had struggled in Lucy's throat, shoving aside the calm speech that she had prepared for the occasion. What had come out was:

"You! I don't—! What the **_hell_**?! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"

Lucy had even stamped her foot—shod in an expensive, high-heeled, crystal-covered shoe—for emphasis. Then she had been forced to blink away tears. There had been a short silence, and then Gray had tugged at his silvery tie and run a hand over the nape of his neck.

"I made a promise."

"WHAT?!" Apparently, Lucy hadn't quite gotten the shouting out of her system, yet.

"… Look, Lucy, I should go…"

"NOT A CHANCE!"

Lucy had taken a deep, allegedly cleansing breath and tried again. "I mean… please stick around long enough to tell me why the… _why_ you kissed me and then disappeared for ten months!"

Gray had shifted from foot to foot, hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders a little hunched. Bizarrely, all desire to shout had suddenly drained out of Lucy, and she had found herself waiting anxiously for his reply.

"I promised myself that I'd give you a year," he had said at last. "When Juvia announced her engagement, I mean. Because… although I thought that she might get over me, I had finally decided that I had to stop wanting what I couldn't have and learn to love what was in front of me."

"You were _learning_ to love Juvia? That's pretty arrogant, considering that she's smart, pretty _and_ a kick-ass mage!" Ten months of anxious wondering kept outmanoeuvering the kind, _patient_ things that Lucy had meant to say.

Gray's own temper had finally splintered:

"Well she's MARRIED now, so it's kind of a moot point, isn't it?!" His voice had been a long way from calm, all of a sudden. "And I'd ALREADY FOUND a smart, pretty, KICK-ASS mage I was interested in!"

At that point, Gray had managed some kind of indecipherable growl of disgust or frustration, and in the blink of an eye, the tie vanished abruptly (well, it ended up tossed onto one of the wooden chairs) and the dress shirt followed suit a moment later. Lucy had found herself staring, for the first time in more than ten months, at the dark blue Fairy Tail guildmark on Gray's upper right-hand chest. He was a little thinner, she thought, but still tremendously fit. Then it had dawned on her that she was avoiding processing what Gray had just said.

She hadn't dared to close her eyes, for fear that he might somehow slip away, so she had taken a shaky breath instead and asked directly: "What was that last part?"

Silence. Gritting her teeth and remembering that she'd told Juvia that she—Lucy—had courage too, Lucy had announced in a clear voice:

"I wouldn't mind finding out if I like you back, Gray. As something other than friends. _If that's what you're talking about._ But it's a _little difficult_ to do that WHEN YOU AREN'T HERE!"

More silence, and then Gray had turned his head away and folded his arms.

"Gray?"

"I need more time."

"To do what? I'm not the only one who misses you, you know?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not interested in Flame-brain in that way."

Lucy had snorted. "I was picking up on that. So what are you saying?"

"I worked really hard to give you your space so that you could get used to the guild, used to the team… used to the people on the team. And you just… liked everyone, you know? Stupid Natsu and his stupid problems with transportation… He gets back late to the guildhall but suddenly he's got this really beautiful blond girl with him and she's a mage but just a little inept—"

"Oi! Inept?!" Lucy had felt a jolt at being called _beautiful_ , but she'd carefully ignored it. She was being _patient_ with the moron.

"—Yeah, just a little… But all fun and friendly and really _trying_ to do stuff and putting up with my and Natsu's crap, you know? And I'm not saying you're inept _now_ …"

"Gee, thanks. Most guys just wait for a good opportunity and bring flowers or something—they don't start thinking about _getting engaged_ TO SOMEBODY ELSE! AND THEN _LEAVE FOR TEN MONTHS_!"

"Yeah? Well _Natsu_ isn't most guys, and you two are really close, so what do I know?! When you were sick? HE BROUGHT YOU A FREAKING _TREE_! I was _going_ to bring you flowers, but HE BROUGHT A TREE!"

Lucy had made the mistake of laughing slightly.

"Okay, that _was_ pretty cool."

Gray hadn't been amused. He'd turned right around and smacked the "rustic" shelter wall, leaving a distinctly frosty imprint.

"And let's not forget Loke, shall we? Leader of the Greater Celestial Spirits and playboy of Fairy Tail? He damn well shows up whenever he likes and you're pretty cozy with him, too!"

"But you _like_ Loke!"

"Well I like Natsu, too—don't tell him I said that—but that doesn't mean I like it that he casually stops by your bedroom and you make him breakfast in the morning! And Loke's _worse_ because I _know_ he's a pervert, whereas Flame-brain's just an idiot."

Lucy had crossed her own arms at this point.

"Is there something you're trying to say, here? I didn't almost get _engaged_ to either of them, in case you hadn't noticed. _Unlike_ you and Juvia!"

"She wanted to get married, she liked me a lot, I liked her… enough… I thought. You didn't even _notice_ me. I mean _jeez_ , you'll hug anyone, anytime! Especially Flame-brain!"

"I AM NOT some kind of, of _HUGGING_ SLUT! How _dare_ you!"

"Yeah, well, you're really _confusing_ , okay?!"

Lucy hadn't noticed, in her (totally justified) anger, but the two of them were only a three or four feet apart now. Gray had been looking distinctly flushed, which was unusual. Even as Lucy had opened her mouth to retort, she'd noticed, again, that Gray was a good-looking guy, even if he was being intensely irritating.

"HOW—I mean, how—am I confusing?" Lucy was proud of herself for bringing her tone back into line. She also took a step back, creating some space. "And why didn't you get engaged to Juvia, if you liked her so much?"

Gray had appeared to grit his teeth, and his eyebrows had drawn down into a tight, black vee.

"Well, first of all, she got engaged to somebody else. You may have noticed that."

"Yeah, well, you weren't very kind to her, were you? Juvia was always super-sweet to you and you either ignored it or snapped at her."

"I'm not saying I handled it well. I owe Juvia an apology. That's on me. Of course, I'm not saying that _she_ always handled it well either. She was a little scary sometimes—"

" _You're_ a little scary sometimes!" Lucy had protested, narrowing her eyes. She had felt the need to speak up on behalf of her friend, since she knew that Juvia was very embarrassed (and sorry) about the time she had accidentally dosed everyone in the guild with an illegal love potion.

Gray had started to glare down at the floor at that point, and Lucy had told herself that she wasn't being entirely fair. Everyone had made their share of mistakes. If Lucy wanted answers now, she had to be more willing to just listen. She had murmured an apology, and had endured a rather stormy look from Gray before he'd continued.

"…To finish answering your _original_ question, so that I can get out of here: when Juvia got engaged I realized that I still… liked… somebody else. A lot. And it freaked me out that I almost got married to the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, just out of impatience or something. I knew that if I stayed around, I wouldn't be able to give the person I really liked the time she needed to decide how she felt about it, without pushing for a decision. So I decided to go away, for long enough to get my head back on straight, and… maybe for long enough for other people to figure out how _they_ felt."

Lucy had felt her throat and chest tighten a little, since Gray's voice had gotten softer as he'd spoken. He'd sounded less angry and more sad, somehow.

"Do you really need to stay away? Maybe you could just say how you feel to the person now and see what happens?"

Gray had shrugged uncomfortably.

"I don't think so. I kind of messed things up once already. And… well, I don't want to go into everything right now, okay?"

At that point, Gray had noticed his shirt and tie lying on the chair and had made a point of turning around to put the shirt back on and loop the tie around the collar. By the time he had finished, Lucy had been strangely close to tears.

"So you're going to head off then? Just like that? I… I wish you wouldn't."

The first few words had slipped out, a little angry and a lot bitter. But the image of Juvia's face had risen unbidden in her mind, and so she'd choked out the last part and discovered that it did feel good to tell the plain truth. Even if her ego didn't like it much.

The stiff shoulders in the navy dress shirt had relaxed slightly and Gray had turned slowly to face her, his expression cautious. Lucy's usual empathy had finally kicked in enough to realize that the discussion hadn't gone the way Gray had wanted either. Instinctively, she had put out a hand. She had been surprised, though, when he'd taken it.

"Lucy…"

His fingers had been warmer than hers, as though the cold, damp November air didn't affect him much, which was no doubt true. Once again, Lucy had felt the odd, rushing, breathless sensation she'd gotten when he'd kissed her ten months before. She'd stared down at his hand around hers, realizing how much bigger it was, even though Gray wasn't a particularly tall man compared to many of the other mages at Fairy Tail. She'd allowed her attention to be diverted by all the scars she could see, just on this one hand; some were fine, white lines, barely visible, others were darker and the skin was slightly puckered.

"I guess you're right," Gray had finally said, presumably watching her study his hand. "I might as well… say it now… since you're here…"

Lucy had felt her cheeks reddening, and the breathless feeling had increased along with the speed of her heartbeat. She'd almost made him stop, although it would have been hard to explain why, exactly. She'd kept her eyes lowered, totally unable to deal with his expression, whatever it was.

"So…" Gray had cleared his throat. "I like you a lot, Lucy. I have for a long time. Um—as something different than a friend—I think was how you put it. But as a friend, too, right? Because I really don't want to change that."

Lucy had tried to say something at that point, but Gray had put a fingertip on her lips. He had been standing very close to her by then, their joined hands held between them almost as a barrier instead of a bridge.

"No wait, I want to finish. I think I might be… I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, to be honest. But the problem is that a lot of people love you, and you love a lot of people. I want to make sure that if you ever love me back… in the same way, I mean… then it's just me. It's probably dumb, but I thought that if I could stay away for long enough, then you'd have the chance to hang out with other people, and that might help you figure things out somehow. Also… and you'll probably hate me for this… after things with Juvia, I needed to make sure that I really wasn't interested in anyone else. But you, I mean."

The finger on her lips had moved under her chin and had tilted her face up. Lucy had felt as though she couldn't breathe at all, as she'd reluctantly met Gray's dark eyes—were they dark grey (haha) or very dark blue or what?

"I need you to be patient—no, I mean, I'm _asking_ you to be patient. Right or wrong, I made a promise to myself—like a New Year's resolution—that I'd stay away at least a year. Besides, I've got a job to do, where I am right now. And being at Lyon and Juvia's wedding today was a bit weird."

Abruptly, irritation had resurfaced.

"Why couldn't you have just stayed and worked things out _here_?! I mean, a whole year? Really?"

Lucy had expected Gray to get angry again, but although his lips had tightened a little, he had kept a firm hold on her hand and hadn't looked away.

"And a lifetime is even longer, Luce. I got really, really scared when Juvia announced her engagement. Not just because I realized how dumb I was being, but because it meant that I couldn't go on using my 'sort of, maybe' involvement with Juvia as a way to pretend that I didn't want something different with you. It's kind of annoying, but I think Natsu's known about how I feel for a while. Lyon's always said I wasn't good enough for Juvia, but that's different; I think he fell for her really early on."

"But why didn't you just _tell_ me?!" Lucy demanded. "Or ask me out?"

"Because it was obvious that you hadn't even _considered_ the possibility. Just… think about it, Luce. You were always reading those romance books and checking out every new guy you met in case he was THE ONE—"

"That is _not_ true!"

"No? Well, what about the time you thought Natsu was going to ask you out but it turned out that he just wanted to borrow Virgo to dig for treasure?"

"Well he was hardly a 'new guy'! But how—"

"Or how you behaved when we met the guys from Blue Pegasus?"

"They're really good at what they do!"

"Or there was the guy you met in the bookstore. I could be wrong, but in the end you chose to go on a job with Natsu over your date with _him_ , but that doesn't make me feel a lot better."

"Your point?"

"If I'd asked you out a year ago you would have been confused. Or worried. Or uncomfortable. In my less jealous moments, I realized that you really weren't interested in anyone like that—at least, not that I could see. You liked the idea of romance, but not any particular guy. Or girl, I guess, although I didn't really consider that. Of course, if there _is_ somebody, then now would be a good time to tell me." Gray paused and then added: "Actually, about twenty minutes ago would have been better."

Lucy had struggled to come up with a good answer. She hadn't wanted him to go. She had liked the way it felt to have somebody hold her hand in a sort of romantic way (although she still didn't quite have her head around romance and Gray—which she wasn't about to admit).

"You'll come back?" Lucy had wanted to kick herself the moment the words were out of her mouth. She hated sounding whiny or childish; people didn't take her seriously enough as it was.

"Promise. Although I can't guarantee I'll stay if… if things don't work out."

"So you want me to be patient."

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure that's my strong point… where people are concerned. I mean, at least I don't go looking for the most dangerous place in a battle, like you and Natsu do."

Gray had rolled his eyes. "Let's leave Flame-brain out of this, okay? Look, it's up to you what you do now. That's part of why I don't think I should be here. You're soft on your friends and I don't want to be left wondering if you just felt kind of bad for me."

"Thanks for trusting my judgment."

"Fair point. If it makes you feel better, just tell yourself that I don't trust _my_ judgment when it comes to you. But I've really got to go now."

"I'm really mad at you for staying away for so long just to make things easier for yourself!" Lucy had felt tears coming, and that had made the defensive anger return in force.

A strange look had crossed Gray's face. Then his already dark eyes had taken on an even darker expression. Maybe Lucy had imagined it, but it had seemed as if the room had gotten suddenly colder. Before she could move, Gray had bent down and pressed a kiss on her neck, just behind her ear. It had made her shiver. The breath on her ear had been warm, but the words he had whispered to her weren't:

"What the _hell_ made you think it's been _easy_?"

Lucy had been so startled—again—that she hadn't made a sound when he'd let go of her hand, turned, and stalked out. By the time she'd rushed through the door herself, she'd caught no more than a glimpse of somebody hurrying away through the trees. She'd seriously debated summoning one of her spirits, but a moment's thought had made her put her keys back into the elegant pouch at her waist. The pouch, which was far more elegant than her usual working case, reminded her of Juvia, who had given it to her. Whose wedding reception she was missing.

"You are being such a JERK!" she'd shouted in the direction that she thought Gray had gone. Then she'd hurried off to where a waiting carriage would take her to the guild hall and Juvia and Lyon's party.

When Loke had shown up _in_ the carriage, she'd snarled at him, causing him to shake his head at her with a sigh.

"I'll send Virgo to fix your make-up," he'd told her. "And don't worry, we'll talk later."

"Or _not_ ," Lucy had muttered, when he'd disappeared again. But she hadn't turned down Virgo's help with her make-up—it was definitely smudged around her eyes for some reason.

* * *

 **[II] - The Kissing**

* * *

It was the holiday season again, just a few days after the anniversary of the day that Gray had first left for parts unknown. In fact, it was New Year's Eve, and Lucy was dressed up in a softly-draped, dark blue velvet dress that fit perfectly and had been very expensive. Erza and Levy had both been impressed, but neither had been tactless enough to ask whether Lucy had a date for the evening.

Although it was only an hour or so until midnight, Lucy wasn't at the guild hall with the rest of her friends. Instead, she stood with her arms crossed looking out her front window at the street below, where a light dusting of snow was being blown here and there by fitful gusts of wind.

Lucy had been crushed—although she had barely admitted it to herself, let alone to her friends—when Gray hadn't shown up on the exact anniversary of his first abrupt departure. Christmas had felt like a disaster, despite an unusually successful gift-exchange at the guild, where somehow everyone had ended up with something they actually wanted and liked.

Every evening since the one-year mark, once she was home for the night, Lucy had stood looking out her front window, waiting for a particular face and figure to emerge from the darkness. She had decided that New Year's Eve would be the last night she would keep watch, though. Her thoughts about exactly what she would resolve to do on New Year's Day were still a little nebulous, but there would be no more evening vigils for a confused and confusing ice mage who couldn't even keep his promises.

The small clock that Juvia (and Lyon, presumably) had given her for Christmas chimed the quarter hour, and Lucy felt her heart sink. It had been very hard to be patient over the last two months. Being patient meant a lot more than just waiting, she'd discovered. It meant waiting without resentment, which was extraordinarily difficult to do. Anyone could wait _impatiently_ for something to happen. It was much more difficult to wait without giving in to abstraction, moodiness, or despair. Had anybody being paying attention, they would have had to credit Lucy for being as cheerful and optimistic as reasonably possible under the circumstances. In fact, several people had been watching, and did give Lucy silent kudos for behaving extraordinarily well, all things considered. Lucy would have been surprised to know that Natsu, long-famed for his hot-headedness and general inattention to anything not immediately on his to-do list, was among those keeping a close eye on how she was feeling.

The chimes sounded the half-hour, and Lucy started to move away from the window, intending to get herself a glass of champagne to keep her company for the last thirty minutes of her vigil. She had just cast a quick glance back over her shoulder when she saw him. Black, wind-tousled hair, as wild as always; dark eyes under thin dark brows drawn down into a slight frown; a dark jacket left open over a dark collared shirt, with a bright triangle of white at the base of the neck suggesting a t-shirt underneath.

Lucy stood absolutely motionless, heart accelerating wildly out of something that felt more like relief than actual joy. It was just as well that she hadn't been holding a glass.

When Gray left her field of vision in order to come into the building, Lucy realized that her hands were trembling slightly and her eyes were wet with tears. Was she always going to associate this man with tears? What kind of weird relationship was that?

She found that she still couldn't move, except to turn to face the door into her apartment. When the expected tap sounded on the wood, she had to clear her throat before telling the visitor to come in. She'd left the door unlocked, perhaps unwisely, but she'd felt that it was the right thing to do and she was prone to acting on intuition.

The door swung open with some force, and the visitor—it really _was_ Gray, Lucy thought rather bemusedly—rushed across the threshold. Now that he was inside, Lucy saw black smudges under the dark eyes, and deep lines of fatigue etched around compressed lips. Unfortunately, her usual good manners had deserted her, and she just stared at him. After taking a few steps into the room, Gray stopped and stared back, taking in the elegant gown, the elaborate, upswept hair, and the carefully applied (and now slightly smudged) makeup. His first words, however, were to the point:

"Am I in time?"

Lucy nodded, and Gray breathed out a sigh of patent relief. Then he walked over and took her hands, with a murmured "may I?" to which Lucy had just nodded again.

"So… I'm really, really sorry I'm late. You might not have heard, but in a lot of areas the trains haven't moved in days. It's weird, because we don't usually get this kind of snow, but… well, that's how it was. It was a very long walk. Good thing I don't mind snow."

"True." This time Lucy managed a weak smile. _He was here._

"Um, I would've been here a bit sooner, but there were a lot of people who needed help. I'm afraid that ice magic wasn't really the best suited for the crisis, but with a bit of creativity it wasn't bad."

"Gray."

"Sorry, I'm babbling, I know. I was really scared that I wouldn't get here before midnight and you'd decide never to see me again or something crazy."

All of a sudden, the shock of finally seeing him wore off and Lucy had to suppress the urge to smack her—well, what was he, exactly? Admirer? That sounded really dumb and not at all like the slightly taciturn and frequently sarcastic ice mage she'd gotten to know over two years of wild adventures and one year of aggravating silence.

"Crazy? Like, I don't know, taking off for a WHOLE YEAR without even leaving an address? Seriously?"

Gray looked as though he wanted to rub the back of his neck as he usually did when embarrassed or stressed. He shifted uncomfortably instead, but kept Lucy's hands tightly between his own.

"Right, yeah, I know. How about if I give you the first of what will probably be several heartfelt apologies?"

Lucy softened despite herself. Yes, part of her wanted to make him pay for all the pain and anxiety of the last year. But the better part of her wanted to put the past behind them and concentrate on whether there was a future. Lucy wasn't naturally inclined to hold grudges, and she'd spent most of the last two months, and a lot of the last year, trying not to become resentful.

"Sure."

"I am totally, incredibly, absolutely sorry for taking off for a year instead of figuring out a better way to handle the situation. I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone, but now I'm not so sure. Either way, if grovelling will help, I'll grovel."

Very tentatively, Gray leaned forward and kissed Lucy's forehead. When she didn't pull away, he relaxed a little and closed his eyes, shifting so that his dark, spiky hair stayed in contact with Lucy's bright golden head.

"I fell for you a long time ago. You're pretty, you're smart, you're kind, you're loyal, and you work hard to get better at what you do. I probably should've just told you that at some point, once I'd figured it out myself. The thing is… you seemed totally oblivious to the guys who were interested in you, except that when somebody went too far you thought he was a creep. But you were really close to your friends, and you're a great friend."

"You chickened out."

"Ouch. Maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure I was totally wrong. Lucy now isn't the same as Lucy three, or even two years ago."

"Hmm."

The clock chimed the three-quarter hour, causing Gray to look over at it.

"Convenient. Now I know I've still got fifteen minutes."

"For what?"

"Look, don't move, okay?"

Gray shifted a few inches away so that he could take off his coat and slightly damp outer shirt. Then he put his hands lightly on Lucy's bare shoulders.

"I didn't want to get your dress wet with snow. Now that I've fixed that…" His arms went around her, still slowly, his nearly-black eyes watching her to make sure that she didn't mind. "Is this alright?"

Lucy was enjoying the feeling of being so close more than she'd expected. The romance novels hadn't been as exaggerated as she'd thought. She felt herself blush.

"Uh, Lucy?"

"Yes, this is fine. In fact, it's… nice."

He pulled her more tightly against him, so that her head was tucked against his shoulder. It didn't feel at all like hugging a friend. In fact, this particular sensation, or collection of sensations—the rapid heartbeat, the rather shallow breath, the awareness of comfort and danger at the same time—was going to make Lucy a little more wary about hugging guys for a while. It was one thing to have the basic _concept_ , but the reality was a lot more… Lucy contemplated vocabulary, finally coming up with "intimate". Or maybe "sensual"?

"You know, I have no idea what you're thinking," Gray said quietly, not far from her ear.

Lucy blushed even more fiercely, and was glad that her face was at least partly hidden from view.

"Oh… I was… wondering what you meant about the fifteen minutes."

"About five now. By the way, you are incredibly distracting."

"Really?"

"Completely."

"Good."

Lucy felt as though she could _hear_ Gray smile into her hair. She definitely heard him draw in a deep breath.

"Would you go out with me? Also, if the answer's yes, then may I have a kiss for New Year's? A proper one?"

Lucy smiled to herself. Gray was a very good friend; one of her closest friends. But she was definitely willing to try for something more, or different, or however people wanted to put it.

"Sure—yes. To both. But I'm still annoyed that you made me wait."

The arms around her loosened enough for Gray to look down into her eyes. Lucy grinned roguishly up at him, and saw his dark eyes gleam back in appreciation. Or anticipation.

"You don't really sound annoyed, Ms. Heartfilia."

"Don't push your luck, Mr. Fullbuster."

"No guarantees on that, I'm afraid. I'll always ask first, but I don't want you to call me a coward again. If that's pushing my luck, so be it."

Although the clock hadn't quite started chiming midnight yet, Gray bent down and stole a kiss. That seemed to work out very well, so he claimed another one. By the time the little clock finished ringing in the New Year, Gray and Lucy were oblivious to the sound. They were wrapped up in each other, mouths together, lips parted, hands now touching skin instead of just clothing.

* * *

 **[III] - The Voyeurs**

* * *

Across the road, two sets of eyes were fixed unashamedly on the couple clearly visible in the lighted window above.

"They're really rather sweet," murmured Erza, smiling mistily.

Loke smirked.

"Well in my opinion," he replied, "it's more a case of _it's about freaking time_."

Erza sighed.

"Happy New Year, Loke."

"Happy New Year, Erza. By the way… have you heard anything from Jellal lately?"

* * *

 **[THE END]**

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 **A/Note:** Thank you for reading! Again, all reviews, comments (feel free to PM me here or on tumblr), likes and reblogs are appreciated!


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